Fear of the unknown can be paralyzing. When hardship strikes an individual or a family, no one can be prepared for how they will feel...what they should do...who they should ask.....while the problems compound... as a result of under or unemployment, divorce, illness or death ....there can be a period of mental and physical paralysis. The homeowner can be afraid that when it appears that everything is going wrong...to make one more decision might also be the wrong one.
We hear it echo ...."Why did they wait so long before they...." Part of the reason might be because of the eternal belief that tomorrow will bring the job offer, maybe the maintenance/support payments will prevent a move and make the house affordable...recovery from an illness won't take as long or the medical bills won't be as devastating. Whatever the hardship, coming to grips with change is difficult.
Real estate agents who choose short sales as a part of their practice have to be sensitive to those feelings....the sellers have a right to own them in our opinion. Sometimes it is all they feel they own in what appears to them at the moment to be a hopeless situation. Part of our job has to be to listen...to understand and to help individuals and families take the next step. To provide the resources and the alternatives to staying stuck in the dark corner of fear and knowing there is a light, that this is a temporary situation, that there is a future that will be brighter.
A real estate associate accused us of "being too sensitive...You can't put your heart into it...." We will every time...it's the only way we know how to do it.
Sally K. & David L. Hanson, ABR, CDPE, CSS, e-Pro,ILHM, REDS
Whether is short sales or everything, fear should be addressed head-on and overcome!
There is always HOPE, then there is always the fear. Loosing a home is definitely something that is paralyzing because the home symbolizes the paramount for so many.
oh my gosh, i've just gone through this in RI where we are experiencing our worst state disaster since the hurricane of '39 i'm told...i feel too much for my clients who are suffering & are working with all to help them through these tough times. Believe so much in paying it forward since i've been fortunate to be given second chances to live.
We know that when people are at their weakest points...financially, physically, mentally and emotionally, it is easier to have fear overcome the hope and strength they may otherwise have...easy to say "be strong"....and until you have walked in those shoes...harder to know....
The two of you sound like amazing individuals and if there are ever opportunities for me to refer someone in the Wisconsin area I know exactly who to call - your clients are lucky to have such dedicated REALTORS.
Will you be coming to active rain camp in Chicago?
Good morning Sally and David,
Isn't it wonderful to know that there are people who genuinely care and understand we are on this earth for a short time and can make a difference in others life! Fear can be met and dealt with but hard to do it alone. You can put your heart into it every-time and you always come out a better person and agent. God bless you both!
All of us fear the known. There are some good books that help in positive thinking.
Behind every transaction - short sale or otherwise - is/are real people who have fears and doubts. They should not be ignored nor judged.
Thank you...we will take your good wishes and blessings and empathy with the people we work with every day to try in every way to make tomorrow a better day.
I think it should be a pre-requisite that agents working short sales should have empathy for their clients and know how to communicate with them so the client can become comfortable in that unfortunate situation.
GREAT POST and points....so very true. Once again it isn't always about teh money we have to treat people with the repect tehy deserve...listening and being empathetic is an important part of our job!!
If you don't have your heart in it, get out....now! Short sales are difficult on so many levels. The lenders are tough enough but the clients can exhaust you, too. But, if you get up and put one foot in front of the other, you find the energy to fight another day for them and yourself. This is an excellent post. Thank you.
A real estate transaction can be very emotional for people, and I'm sure your clients appreciate the compassion you show them to make their transition a little easier. Sally & David, thanks for sharing.
Agree! The day I don't put my heart into it is the day I hang it up! Great post Sally and David.
I too have been "accused" of being a softie and too emotional, but I agree with you...I won't modify the way I do things/how I feel....it is too important!
True true...if your heart isn't in it....you need to get your head out of it....not many of us would choose real estate if it were all "strictly business."
Like I said before, you have to wear many hats!
Fear ...or.... Procrastination
Yes, allot of emotions !!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sally and David - great post - the more you empathize, the better the deal will be, as the folks do not feel so alone anymore. You become "believable" when you have listened and understood, and perhaps been able to help.
Sally and David - great post - the more you empathize, the better the deal will be, as the folks do not feel so alone anymore. You become "believable" when you have listened and understood, and perhaps been able to help.
I'm glad you are kind and empathetic. I prefer to do my volunteer work outside the job, but if you incorporate the two congrats.
Some weeks in short sales are weepy.....on both sides ....the realtor and the seller...snd if that makes us less than professional because as one person put it we don't "leave the emotion out of it"....so be it !
OH so true. I wish those agents who say short sales don't really help anyone could see the look on people's face when they realize there's NOT going to be a foreclosure on their record!
Sally and David: Very good and I think you deserve acknowledgment for recognizing the importance of the way these people need to be treated! It concerns me when I see the individuals who are going for the training--(a training, I might add, that does not even cover the emotional side of a short sale) and who are going out there with a heavy hand to get people in desparate straights to hand over the property so that they can pressure them and their bank to sell it at a loss just to get out of it---which takes us back to the original problem--they usually are heartbroken that they have to give up their precious home in the first place!!!
Sally and David: very well said. For those, including myself, who specialize in short sales, it has to be more than just a means to a paycheck. We have to demonstrate a sense of caring and concern, and it has to be immediately obvious to the troubled homeowner. If it is not, they will not hear the message. Helping troubled homeowners close a painful chapter in their lives is immensely gratifying, and compensates way beyond the commission check. These people are desperate, needy, and depressed, and they need our services more than they know.
I think it's the main reason things don't go well with short sales. I had one which was on a land lease and it was taken out from under us because the seller did not let me know about a notice from the land lease company. He just pushed everything aside and hoped that it was all being handled for him. Then New Year's day he was scrambling to move....horrible. But we had no idea since he didn't tell us.
I whole heartily agree. Getting ownersto take the first step before its too late is the focus. I always tell them when we list the home as a SS, that tomorrow they are going to feel better. Theyhave taken a positive step and have tried to take control of the situation, rather than continuing to go around and around with no direction. Usually they call me within 2 days to say that they DO feel better and are ready to move forward with what ever comes their way. We can help to give people back some empowerment over their lives.
This post just isn't about short sales, but it is about our calling in life or our service to humanity (our business) which has always been based on emotion. Buyers buy or don't buy on emotion (many are fearful), people sell based on life changing events (job loss, retirement home, death of spouse, death of marriage). Fear of the unknown, fear of change, fear of responsibility of ownership. We coach, we counsel, we empathize, sympathize, teach, educate..... I think real estate professionals are amazing people. Thank you for sharing.
There is a great deal of shame around short sales and foreclosure. I am sympathetic to that feeling, but in todays economy hard working and very honest people are left without options. We need to give them hope too.
In this economy and times of natural disasters (we experienced epic flooding in my area in Sept 2009) it would be nice if the government & big banks would stop shopping false hope to desperate families so at least they could base their decisions on facts rather than wishes.
Hi Sally and David -- I'm glad you care. If we don't care, there's not much purpose in our lives.
There are a lot of big hearts in the Rain....and we are pleased and proud to be a part of them, thank you for your kind comments.
There are a lot of big hearts in the Rain....and we are pleased and proud to be a part of them, thank you for your kind comments.
I have only done a few short sales but I tell you what...I was happy they went to the end with people who were not happy at the situation but glad they could let go after all was said and done.
Putting heart into it . . . .
We put our hearts into it, too. We cannot be any other way. Sure, real estate is business. Our inventrory is the properties being sold and bought. Yet, we are not arms dealers selling take-it-or-leave-it AK47's to rebels. People live in these homes. Most of them have put something of themselves into the property: uncountable Saturdays cutting the grass and trimming hedges so it will look nice, washing the floors, rearranging furnature over and over to make it how they want it.
I talked this morning with a 74 year old woman who worked for forty years, and then lost her husband, and now, her home is in foreclosure. Does my heart go out to her? You bet it does.
mike
I feel we definitely need to be compassionate, but also REALISTIC! If the Sellers waited TOO LONG to act, I think we need to tell them that "we can't fix it" and not give them false hope!
thank you Mike....she is lucky to have you as a realtor. Our advice Kathy is check first....we have rescued sellers from the jaws of foreclosure with less than a week before the sheriff came....bank's don't want to be in real estate...in our experience, it is always worth checking first.
Hope conquers despair!
I think it's okay to be emotionally involved with our Clients in a personal relationship industry, but we must also know when to take a step back and let our Clients do what's best for them.
My experience with short sale candidates has been interesting. With customers[and fsbo's] the 'fear' and insecurity for most has turned to defiance. This attitude causes even more heartache, a horrible selling experience and ends bad for them.
Biblical Hope may have great value but 'secular expectation' form of hope[false] is in reality avoidance and indecision and is paralyzing as you have noted. "Faith and hope does not rid you of troubles, but it will insure that you shall be unafraid when trouble does overtake you"
Many agents add to this agony by assuring their clients and fsbo's that their home will sell for X amount just to secure a listing, get their sign up and attract a few buyers, For the clients it is 6 months or more of keeping house showroom ready, inconvenience of showings mostly by agents to justify the price of a another home in the area to customers, either closer to foreclosure or if relocation one spouse in living in an apartment in another town while other is stuck waiting in house, expired listing-new agent -more FALSE HOPE -SAME RESULT
Someone has to have the HEART to tell them the truth even if it is not self beneficial or you DON'T break their defiance at least you plant the seed and maybe just maybe some will respond and their hope will be focused on the future where it should be.
These quotes do make this a tricky situation from a Realtor/human point of view
"Always respect the personality of man. Never should a righteous cause be promoted by force"
'While overmuch self-respect may destroy proper humility and end in pride, conceit, and arrogance, the loss of self-respect often ends in paralysis of the will.'
"Avoid leaning upon the insecure props of false sympathy. You cannot develop strong characters out of the indulgence of self-pity; honestly endeavor to avoid the deceptive influence of mere fellowship in misery. Extend sympathy to the brave and courageous while you withhold overmuch pity from those cowardly souls who only halfheartedly stand up before the trials of living. Offer not consolation to those who lie down before their troubles without a struggle. Sympathize not with your fellows merely that they may sympathize with you in return."
thank you Jim and Phil...sometimes what we can do best is be the absorbing sponge for all the emotions that spill out during a difficult transition. We have not experienced defiance...the short sale sellers we have had are angry with the lender and thieir situation....but 99 per cent of the time have been very grateful to us.
Action conquers fear -(Zarlenga)
Fear can be a motivator as well. Knowing how to channel fear can be a great equalizer!
Ty
When you have the least amount of strength, it is difficult to find the motivation an trust the direction you may choose to take action...that is why short sale listing agents should have the tools to direct sellers to the best possible resourcecs as well as be equipped themselves to handle the situations involved during this time of crisis for the sellers.